15 Reasons to go to McDonalds Right Now October 23, 2008
The freedom lovers at ecosalon want you to think that there are 15 reasons not to let a loved one go anywhere near a McDonalds. I examine their arguments below and do my best to refute them in the majesty of bold.
15. Real food is perishable. With time, it begins to decay. It’s a natural process, it just happens. Beef will rot, bread will mold. Karen Hanrahan saved a McDonald’s burger from 1996 and, oddly enough, it looks just as “appetizing” and “fresh” as a burger you might buy today. Is this real food?I don’t know about you but this comes across as a plus to me. If the food doesn’t decay, that means it doesn’t go bad…ever!
14. You would have to walk 7 hours straight to burn off a Super Sized Coke, fries and Big Mac.
Why would you be walking after eating at McDonalds in the first place. I’ve tried to go through the drivethrough on foot and they don’t let you anymore. And there’s no way that anyone in the Western Hemisphere lives a 7-hour walk away from a McDonalds. I think it’s geographically impossible.
13. Containing less fat, salt and sugar, your pet’s food may be healthier than what they serve at McDonald’s.
Scientifically I guess it may be possible that pet food is healthier than what they serve at McDonalds. Actually could you imagine if you poured water in your French fries and some kind of gravy formed like with Gravy Train? Time to call the scientists.
12. In 2007, the employees of an Orlando-area McDonald’s were caught on camera pouring milk into the milkshake machine out of a bucket labeled “Soiled Towels Only.” The setting of a fast food restaurant staffed with low-paid employees at a high turnover rate arguably encourages bending the rules.
This isolated incident doesn’t even count as a reason – Hello Jack in the Box killed people.
11. McDonald’s supports the destruction of the Amazon rainforest. Much of the soy-based animal feed used to fatten fast-food chickens is grown in the Amazon. Fast food supports a completely unsustainable system of agriculture. It’s cruel to animals, unhealthy for humans, and bad for the planet.
If the Rain Forrest no longer exists, does that mean that Sting will stop singing about it? Maybe stop singing altogether? Hmmm, I could go for some Chicken McNuggets about now.
10. Even Prince Charles, while touring a diabetes center in the United Arab Emirates, commented that banning McDonald’s is key to health and nutrition.
Well if “Prince Charles” says so…
9. As if feeding children high-fat, high-sodium, low-nutrition “food” weren’t bad enough, some Happy Meals in 2006 contained toy Hummers. It’s as if McDonald’s was encouraging a whole generation of kids not only to guzzle food, but to guzzle gas as well.
My son, received a Lego Batman in his last Happy Meal. I guess that means that McDonald’s encourages masked vigilantism.
8. The processed fat in McDonald’s food (and other fast food) promotes endothelial dysfunction for up to 5 hours after eating the meal.
If that were the only thing that went on for five hours after eating McDonalds. My wife would prefer the endothelial dysfunction vs. the bowel disruption. Speaking of which…
7. For those who enjoy sex, take note: erectile dysfunction is connected to endothelial dysfunction.
Which is why you eat McDonald’s AFTER having sex not BEFORE. Duh!
6. How many cows does it take to keep the world loaded with Big Macs? I had to do a some research and a little math, but according to a brief video inside one of McDonald’s 6 meat processing plants, about 500,000 pounds of beef is processed per day, per plant. If an average beef cow weighs 1,150 pounds, that means 2609 cows a day are turned into burgers.
This reminds me of an SAT question. At what speed are those cows approaching each other again? (ed. note. I didn’t really take the SATs but have heard them referred to on TV and movies and such)
5. Maybe you just pop in for an inexpensive latte. Watch out for the caramel syrup (Sugar, water, fructose, natural (plant source) and artificial flavor, salt, caramel color (with sulfites), potassium sorbate (preservative), citric acid, malic acid) or the chocolate drizzle (Corn syrup, water, hydrogenated coconut oil, high fructose corn syrup, glycerin, nonfat milk, cocoa, cocoa (processed with alkali), food starch-modified, disodium phosphate, potassium sorbate (preservative), xanthan gum, artificial flavor (vanillin), salt, soy lecithin).
Who in the world is going to McDonald’s for a latte? I don’t go to Starbucks for a Quarter Pounder. Remember Pizza at McDonald’s?…Exactly!
4. Are you a vegetarian with a French fry craving? You better skip McDonald’s because their fries actually contain milk (and wheat) and though they’re fried in vegetable oil, the oil is flavored with beef extract. (McDonald’s famously misled customers for years.)
What a devastating blow for all those regular vegetarian McDonald’s customers. They definitely won’t want to hear about the new “Steaky McShakey”.
3. Do you want high blood pressure? Hit the drive-through. Eating a McDonald’s chicken sandwich (any of ‘em, take your pick) will give you about 2/3 of the recommended daily amount of sodium.
And now you only need to eat half of one more chicken sandwhich to get your full ecommended daily amount. See, I totally would have aced those SATs.
2. Finally unveiled: the secret of the Big Mac’s “secret sauce.”
Soybean oil, pickle relish [diced pickles, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, vinegar, corn syrup, salt, calcium chloride, xanthan gum, potassium sorbate (preservative), spice extractives, polysorbate 80], distilled vinegar, water, egg yolks, high fructose corn syrup, onion powder, mustard seed, salt, spices, propylene glycol alginate, sodium benzoate (preservative), mustard bran, sugar, garlic powder, vegetable protein (hydrolyzed corn, soy and wheat), caramel color, extractives of paprika, soy lecithin, turmeric (color), calcium disodium EDTA (protect flavor).
This list is pretty useless without the quantities of each ingredient. I’ve found leaving 1000 Island Dressing out in the sun is just as effective (and yes I know I stole that joke from the Simpsons.)
1. Still not convinced? Maybe this 1970s trip through McDonaldland will give you enough.
Seems like heaven to me.
In the end there may some reason NOT to take a loved one to McDonalds. Perhaps they’re currently experiencing a heart attack (the kind NOT related to high blood pressures and dietary-induced heart disease). Or if you’ve already taken them to a McDonalds three time that week already and a fourth is just overkill (of the non-Amazon Rainforest type). But as you can see, the reasoning above doesn’t stand the test of scrutiy.
I think I’m gonna get a Big Mac right now.
