Wiebe World

15 Reasons to go to McDonalds Right Now October 23, 2008

The freedom lovers at ecosalon want you to think that there are 15 reasons not to let a loved one go anywhere near a McDonalds. I examine their arguments below and do my best to refute them in the majesty of bold.

15. Real food is perishable. With time, it begins to decay. It’s a natural process, it just happens. Beef will rot, bread will mold. Karen Hanrahan saved a McDonald’s burger from 1996 and, oddly enough, it looks just as “appetizing” and “fresh” as a burger you might buy today. Is this real food?I don’t know about you but this comes across as a plus to me. If the food doesn’t decay, that means it doesn’t go bad…ever!

14. You would have to walk 7 hours straight to burn off a Super Sized Coke, fries and Big Mac.

Why would you be walking after eating at McDonalds in the first place. I’ve tried to go through the drivethrough on foot and they don’t let you anymore. And there’s no way that anyone in the Western Hemisphere lives a 7-hour walk away from a McDonalds. I think it’s geographically impossible.

13. Containing less fat, salt and sugar, your pet’s food may be healthier than what they serve at McDonald’s.

Scientifically I guess it may be possible that pet food is healthier than what they serve at McDonalds.  Actually could you imagine if you poured water in your French fries and some kind of gravy formed like with Gravy Train? Time to call the scientists.

12. In 2007, the employees of an Orlando-area McDonald’s were caught on camera pouring milk into the milkshake machine out of a bucket labeled “Soiled Towels Only.” The setting of a fast food restaurant staffed with low-paid employees at a high turnover rate arguably encourages bending the rules.

This isolated incident doesn’t even count as a reason – Hello Jack in the Box killed people.

11. McDonald’s supports the destruction of the Amazon rainforest. Much of the soy-based animal feed used to fatten fast-food chickens is grown in the Amazon. Fast food supports a completely unsustainable system of agriculture. It’s cruel to animals, unhealthy for humans, and bad for the planet.

If  the Rain Forrest no longer exists, does that mean that Sting will stop singing about it? Maybe stop singing altogether? Hmmm, I could go for some Chicken McNuggets about now.

10. Even Prince Charles, while touring a diabetes center in the United Arab Emirates, commented that banning McDonald’s is key to health and nutrition.

Well if “Prince Charles” says so…

9. As if feeding children high-fat, high-sodium, low-nutrition “food” weren’t bad enough, some Happy Meals in 2006 contained toy Hummers. It’s as if McDonald’s was encouraging a whole generation of kids not only to guzzle food, but to guzzle gas as well.

My son, received a Lego Batman in his last Happy Meal. I guess that means that McDonald’s encourages masked vigilantism.

8. The processed fat in McDonald’s food (and other fast food) promotes endothelial dysfunction for up to 5 hours after eating the meal.

If that were the only thing that went on for five hours after eating McDonalds. My wife would prefer the endothelial dysfunction vs. the bowel disruption. Speaking of which…
7. For those who enjoy sex, take note: erectile dysfunction is connected to endothelial dysfunction.

Which is why you eat McDonald’s AFTER having sex not BEFORE. Duh!

6. How many cows does it take to keep the world loaded with Big Macs? I had to do a some research and a little math, but according to a brief video inside one of McDonald’s 6 meat processing plants, about 500,000 pounds of beef is processed per day, per plant. If an average beef cow weighs 1,150 pounds, that means 2609 cows a day are turned into burgers.

This reminds me of an SAT question. At what speed are those cows approaching each other again? (ed. note. I didn’t really take the SATs but have heard them referred to on TV and movies and such)

5. Maybe you just pop in for an inexpensive latte. Watch out for the caramel syrup (Sugar, water, fructose, natural (plant source) and artificial flavor, salt, caramel color (with sulfites), potassium sorbate (preservative), citric acid, malic acid) or the chocolate drizzle (Corn syrup, water, hydrogenated coconut oil, high fructose corn syrup, glycerin, nonfat milk, cocoa, cocoa (processed with alkali), food starch-modified, disodium phosphate, potassium sorbate (preservative), xanthan gum, artificial flavor (vanillin), salt, soy lecithin).

Who in the world is going to McDonald’s for a latte? I don’t go to Starbucks for a Quarter Pounder. Remember Pizza at McDonald’s?…Exactly!

4. Are you a vegetarian with a French fry craving? You better skip McDonald’s because their fries actually contain milk (and wheat) and though they’re fried in vegetable oil, the oil is flavored with beef extract. (McDonald’s famously misled customers for years.)

What a devastating blow for all those regular vegetarian McDonald’s customers. They definitely won’t want to hear about the new “Steaky McShakey”.
3. Do you want high blood pressure? Hit the drive-through. Eating a McDonald’s chicken sandwich (any of ‘em, take your pick) will give you about 2/3 of the recommended daily amount of sodium.

And now you only need to eat half of one more chicken sandwhich to get your full ecommended daily amount. See, I totally would have aced those SATs.

2. Finally unveiled: the secret of the Big Mac’s “secret sauce.”
Soybean oil, pickle relish [diced pickles, high fructose corn syrup, sugar, vinegar, corn syrup, salt, calcium chloride, xanthan gum, potassium sorbate (preservative), spice extractives, polysorbate 80], distilled vinegar, water, egg yolks, high fructose corn syrup, onion powder, mustard seed, salt, spices, propylene glycol alginate, sodium benzoate (preservative), mustard bran, sugar, garlic powder, vegetable protein (hydrolyzed corn, soy and wheat), caramel color, extractives of paprika, soy lecithin, turmeric (color), calcium disodium EDTA (protect flavor).

This list is pretty useless without the quantities of each ingredient. I’ve found leaving 1000 Island Dressing out in the sun is just as effective (and yes I know I stole that joke from the Simpsons.)

1. Still not convinced? Maybe this 1970s trip through McDonaldland will give you enough.

Seems like heaven to me.

In the end there may some reason NOT to take a loved one to McDonalds. Perhaps they’re currently experiencing a heart attack (the kind NOT related to high blood pressures and dietary-induced heart disease). Or if you’ve already taken them to a McDonalds three time that week already and a fourth is just overkill (of the non-Amazon Rainforest type). But as you can see, the reasoning above doesn’t stand the test of scrutiy.

I think I’m gonna get a Big Mac right now.

How much would you pay for this coffee machine? How about $12,000?! October 20, 2008

Anyone who knows me is confident of two things. 1) I’m the pre-eminent collector of Faberge eggs in the western hemisphere and 2) I loves me the java. Too much perhaps. In me less controlled days I could easily consume about 15 (12oz) cups of coffee a day. And it’s not just the caffeine that I openly admit I’m addicted to. And there are worse things to be addicted to (like fabrege eggs). I like the taste. And although I’ll admit to being a bit of a coffee snob, I even enjoy the taste of bad coffee and have been known to reheat yesterday’s coffee when I’m too lazy to make a fresh pot (also addicted to laziness).

So when I read about the Clover Coffee Machine, I was intrigued. I first read about the Clover in Wired Magazine. Some genius came up with the idea to combine a French press and Dyson vacuum cleaner to create the perfect cup of coffee.  A machine that would allow the Barrista to fine tune the temperature, grounds quantity and the amount of time brewing, not to mention a computer that remembers individual’s customized orders. A machine that sells for…wait for it…$12,000. Howard Schultz, noted Faberge egg collector and CEO of Starbucks enjoyed himself a cup of coffee made from a Clover and Starbucks bought the company the next day (much to the chagrin of the 250 independent coffee  shops across the country.

At some point Starbuck intends to roll these machines out across to all of its locations. But that could take a while. You used to be able to find the 250 independent coffee chains on a cool interactive map. But Starbucks doesn’t want you to drink any coffee out of Clover unless it’s in a Starbucks. However, this past weekend, I was able to enjoy my first Clover Coffee at Manic Coffee in Toronto.

I had been anticipating this cup of coffee for months and there was no way that it could match my expectations. I had a choice of a number of different really expensive beans to choose from. I went for the Kenyan beans for only $5 vs. the super specialty beans which would have cost me $20. And yes we’re still talking about a cup of coffee not  a Faberge egg.

There’s a whole lot of pomp and circumstance with the Clover machine and for $5 for a large cup of coffee there should be.  The Barrista talked me through the entire process as if were taking a wine tour. She spoke of the flavors and aromas that would be cascading across my palate in the same way, wine is gushed over. And when I finally took a sip? It was pretty good. I was expecting to hear angels singing behind me as my tongue enjoyed a spa day. But, after all the hype it was a really good cup of coffee. Better than anything I’ve had at Starbucks, Tim Hortons (naturally) and any other independent coffee chain. Was it worth $5? Heck no. It was a great cup of coffee – but from now on I’m spending my discretionary income on…you guessed it – Faberge Eggs.

Churros and Discount Shoes September 9, 2008

There is  a long list of things on my ToBlog list:

• The Republican Convention
• Lipstick-wearing Pit Bulls
• Britney Spears appearing coherent in public

But what pulls me out of a 5-month hibernation? Churros and discount shoes.

This past weekend a brand new Microsoft campaign debuted with a commercial featuring  Jerry Seinfeld ( At $10 million, Microsoft should have shopped at the discount 90s comedian store) and Bill Gates, that was yadda,yadda,yadda, painfully unfunny. It’s not like Jerry can’t be funny in commercials. The Superman Amex commercial (featuring the vocal stylings of the now cartoonily-ubiquitous Patrick Warburton) were quite clever.

The spots were created to combat the exceptionally witty Mac ads featuring Justin Long and John Hodgman. In that ongoing campaign, the two featured actors, one embodying the Mac, the other the PC successfully achieve three goals a) deliver the laughs and b) deliver a message – that Macs are better (at everything) than PCs and c) connects the two to together.  Marketing 101

Yesterday’s LA Times says it much better than I could.

There are more non sequiturs in that 90-second ad than in any 30 minutes of the Family Guy. The only thing positive that I pulled out of it was that at least the two participants seemed enthusiastic. But I would think even a couple of billionaire’s could fake enthusiasm for a $10 Million paycheck. Okay, Gates probably did it for the sugary Mexican baked goods and comfortable discount footwear.

There, I did it. I feel renewed. In fact, I could blog some more…maybe tomorrow. Watch out Spears! You’re next!

The difference between Canada and the U.S. (Part 1) April 29, 2008

It’s been over a year and a half since my return to the Great White North. Time enough to adjust to the Canadian way of living…for better or worse. I’m almost done starting sentences like “when I was in Los Angeles/California/the U.S” but even this far out of being re-patrioted, I and my family still are reminded (almost on a daily basis) the difference between the two countries. So this MAY be the start of an ongoing series. Or this will be it. Enjoy!

If you’ve been paying attention to Wiebeworld, you’ll have remembered our last story where I accidentally erased every bit of ID in my wallet by taking it into the MRI with me. This week was filled with getting those cards replaced. Just between you and me i have 2 American Express cards. One is a U.S. American Express card. The other a Canadian one. I’ll also have you know that I’ve been an American Express card member (we like to refer to ourselves as members - it’s very classy) since 1990.

I called the Canadian card folks up first and explained the problem. They were very understanding and promised that the card should arrive in 7-9 business days.  That’s TWO WEEKS!!! It’s a cashless society people! I don’t get money out of the ATM anymore and can’t remember the last time I wrote a check (or “cheque” as we write here). Two weeks without a credit card means two weeks of a whole lot of nuthin’. Being a Canadian I said “thanks - that’ll be great” and hung up.

THEN, I called my American card. this is the exact same company may I remind you. They were equally as sorry for me as their Canadian division. Then they told me that because I was a long-time customer (same amount of time as the Canadian division) that they were going to overnight me a brand new card at no additional cost. Time without a card, approximately 36 hours! Customer service!

Wait? Magnets do what now? April 22, 2008

This past Saturday, I was privileged enough to get an MRI. For those of you living in Canada, you can appreciate the amount of political sway one needs to have with the party leaders to gain access to that kind of medical equipment. If you need leaches or holes drilled in your head to let the evil spirits out it’s a mere 5-6 week wait but going to an actual hospital requires bribes, “favors” and numerous other shame-based offerings to get you to the front of the line.

This was my third MRI or Magnetic Resonance Image that I’ve had. The first two involved stripping down and getting into one of those all-cotton, super-comfy hospital gowns. But on Saturday, the nurse or “technician” asked me to place my jewelry, electronics and all other metal into a cabinet but that I could remain fully dressed. Perfect.

The procedure itself was loud and painless and over in about 20 minutes. I was in and out in under an hour. Take THAT private insurance-based health care systems!

My next stop was of course the liquor store (it’s standard procedure in Canada) where we went through credit card after credit card trying to get the machine to read the strip. The clerk finally gave up and typed the number in, asking if I kept magnets in my pocket. Duh, stupid question. What’s a 30-ish young man like myself putting magnets in my pocket. Now, taking my wallet full of magnet-sensitive credit cards and ID into a device capable of generating 6 times the magnetic field of that of the Earth’s? That I’ll do.

The MS Walk wrap-up April 13, 2008

It’s hard to describe being a part of something like the MS Walk or any walk for that matter without sounding self-important. Like somehow doing what you’re doing is a bigger deal than what anyone actually suffering from the disease does every time they get up in the morning and do what the rest of us take for granted.

I’m going to provide a brief recap of what happened today because a) very few people read this blog, b) I’m incredibly self-absorbed but c) most importantly a lot of people pledged a lot of money for today’s walk and I thought the very least I could do was describe the day in as concise a manner possible.

I prepared for the big walk by going to bed at midnight, knowing full well that the only way to get your body to do what you want is to let it know who’s boss. None of this early to bed, early to rise crap. Julie had just informed me that she would be joining me for the additional 10KM that I had promised all my pledgers I would do on top of the 10KM for the official walk.

We got up at 5:30 on Sunday and were pleasantly surprised to discover that the approximate 4 degree (C) weather was really not that bad. Until the snow started! At first we couldn’t believe that what we were seeing was snow. Certainly not two weeks into April. We were really hoping perhaps there was a house fire and these were merely the snowy white ashes falling so prettily. But it was snow.

An hour and a half later ( we were hoofing it), we arrived at the local Lions club were the actual walk was to take place – 10KM in the bank. We felt good. Legs felt good, it was getting warmer.

The rest of Team Julie K (my sister not my wife) showed up, 12 persons strong. What followed was a spirited albeit less-brisk 10KM, pausing every couple of kilometers at designated stops to pee, grab a couple of orange wedges and move on. The team members paired up for kilometer-long conversations before organically splitting up and re-pairing.

Two and a half hours later we were done and rewarded with free barbequed sausages and no-name brand cola. Together, the team had raised over $6,000 and rallied around my sister to remind her that we’re with her in her own daily walk with MS.

Thanks to every one of you who contributed. The MS society is still accepting donations at https://msofs.mssociety.ca/2008Walk/Sponsor.aspx?&PID=1015027&L=2

Warning - the site is being overloaded with donations so you may need to hit refresh a few times before you connect.

I’m not ready April 4, 2008

When I originally threw out the idea of walking 20km again this year, my wife had one question. Why? Actually, it might have been “Are you crazy?” And there might have been a couple of gerunds thrown in there as well.  It was more than just an empty question or her typical good morning. I’ll fill you in on a little secret. I’m not in the best shape I’ve ever been in. In fact, I’ve been experiencing some unexplained muscle fatigue recently - walking up a flight of stairs or lifting my kids up wears out my extremities quite quickly. Nothing to panic about now. We’re talking to doctors, getting tests done, etc. But back to Julie’s question. Was I nuts in attempting to do this without proper preparation? Well honestly there’s a lot of stuff that I do and say that I don’t think about or prepare for. This was just one more.

But now, with only 7 days left, I’m begging to wonder if in fact I am gerund crazy. The only thing I’ve been doing different since pledging to walk 20KM is cut out all carbs. And all that’s done is made me cranky (there’s perfectly good pizza in the fridge going uneaten).

So it’s going to be about 5 hours of running/walking/crawling and it’s going to leave me rubber-legged by the end of the day. But at the end of the day, this is all for a good cause and I’m thrilled to be walking with family and friends. Plus at the end of the walk? they give you hot dogs!  Who’s gerund crazy now?

April Fools! April 1, 2008

Were it not for a couple of local DJ’s dishing on their history of brazilliant pranks on the drive into work today, I would have totally skipped by the fact that today is April Fool’s Day. The irony is that working in kids’ television, almost every show we have does it’s own tribute to the day. I’m sure right now that YTV (and every other kids network in North America) has scheduled some kind of April Fools Day event (or stunt as we call them in the Biz).

To be honest, I don’t remember the last time I witnessed an actual April Fool’s day joke. Perhaps my coworkers aren’t zany enough to attempt one but more likely it’s the expectation of how a prank would be received (i.e. not very well). Not to mention that HR would likely be called in and we all know how fun that would be.

However, I do remember celebrating the Holiday as a kid and the one really vivid memory I have of playing a practical joke on my classmates was in kindergarten (back when they didn’t even have a junior kindergarten). I remember telling fellow students, my teachers, even the bus driver that my grandfather had died. They all reacted the way they should have -with great sympathy and concern over how I was doing. I would then burst into a big grin and say “April Fools.”

Pure comedic genius.

Bloggin Again? March 26, 2008

It’s probably been about 3 years since the last time anyone posted to Wiebeworld.  Since then the U.S. has gone through 4 presidential elections, we witnessed the birth and ascendancy of the personal computer and small pox has virtually been wiped from the face of at least the Western Hemisphere. You’re no doubt asking yourself what possibly could have pulled me out of this JD Salinger-esque sabbatical? Well the answer is much too funny and full of expletives to repeat in this child-approved space BUT I can tell you two contributing factors. 1) I felt you’d all gone way too long without hearing how I felt about junk. And 2) I’m walking in my second MS Walk-a-thon in honor of my sister and I’m not sure I couldn’t be less prepared.

So be prepared world! The raging opionosity is on its way. But for now, let me say this. Tonight, when I should have been physically preparing for the 20KM I’m planning on completing on April 13th, I consumed half a bowl of the those maddeningly delicious Cadbury’s MiniEggs.

I’ll start over again tomorrow.

The Wiebes are back in L.A. July 24, 2007

…but not for keeps or anything. And it’s been a blast. Julie and the kids landed here almost two weeks ago and spent some prime family time with her dad and step-mom in La Jolla - a gorgeous little beach town north of San Diego. Zack and Zoe attacked the waves with a passion and we’re thinking that next year it might be time for some surfing lessons for Zoe. Julie’s brother’s family was also in town so both families (sans me) had a blast.

While all that was going on, I was still in Oakville overseeing the framing of our basement thanks to the help of some very dear friends who are much more capable of doing this kind of thin than I am. And by overseeing, I mean cooking food and supplying beer to the real workers. I also contributed some heavy-lifting.

Julie packed the kids in the car and drove up to meet me in Los Angeles where we spent 3 days with our dear California friends, the community that nurtured us and became our L.A. family. Zoe got to reconnect with her bestest friends in the whole world - Ella, Annika and London. Zack had his little friends too and it wasn’t too long before he was calling out for “Macey” and “Mia” as if we’ve never left.

It’s been five years since Julie and I have taken a vacation between the two of us. So we dumped the kids off with the grandparents and joined our friends Matt & Kasey for a trip to Temecula Wine country. It was only about 38 hours altogether but it was just so relaxing and calming. We came back renewed and ready to be parents again. But we’ve also committed our selves to doing this more often - maybe even once a year (finances pending).

Now I find myself back in L.A. doing actual work while Julie is back in La Jolla with the kids and grandparents. Tomorrow I head down to San Diego to attend the annual geek-fest that is ComiCon which every year continues to get bigger and hotter and smellier  (showers don’t seem to be a top priority for a majority of the attendees). Every year there are a ton(ne) of parties, lots of panels and hopefully one or two properties that turn into potential properties for me and my team to develop.

And next year…we just might do this all over again. As usual, pictures to come.